Technology is fucking awesome.

I just got one them new phones with an integrated camera inside of it.

I'm taking a crap.

And suddenly, as I'm wiping, I feel a small turd slide off on my buttcheek.

I'm wiping, I'm wiping. But I'm not sure if I've got it, you know? I mean, I can't see what's going on down there.

And then I realize shit in a box, I've got me a handlheld broadcast quality camera in my pocket.

I lower my cellphone into the bowl, click snap, and, presto, I've got a geographic map of my white ass right in front of my face. There's the little fucker -- hiding right on my left cheek (or is that left on my right cheek -- haw haw).

Whatever. Another quick swipe, and it's gone.

Five years ago, I would've had to squash that bugger in my drawers. Now, I can beam up the image of my clean ass to my whole family over the internet, and even GPS localize my wiping patterns. What will those turds think of next?