June 15, 2005

Shaming Fetish

I have this overpowering fetish for genitals. I can't even come unless there's some kind of genitals involved, and this applies to intercourse and auto-erotica. I'm so ashamed to talk about it!

Luckily, my partner is GGG, so I am relatively satisfied in my sex life. If I say "relatively", it's not a knock against my partner--who I must boast is often titillated by my inventions--but because of the guilt I feel for constantly imposing my disgusting fantasy upon us, time after time. I can count on my genitals the number of times I've allowed us to engage in sex without satisfying my perversity.

As is, I've done it every which way. Genital-manual contact, genital-oral, even genital-to-genital! I just can't help it. I sometimes try to ease off a bit, to gradually try other forms of sex, but nothing gets me off. We'll (or I'll) do something else for a couple of minutes, but then I just go crazy. My brain just starts buzzing and my body is screaming for some kind of involvement of balls, clit, glans, labia minora, you name any sick genital area, I'm wanting it!

Don't even get me started on the time I thought I could go cold turkey. Straight vanilla sex with just us, no genital messing around... that certainly didn't last.

So, even though I've come to terms with my fetish, I still wonder if it's reasonable to impose it on my partner (and on my own body, for that matter) systematically? Is this healthy, or is there some way I can learn to come without revelling in my craving? Can our relationship survive such an imbalance?


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