June 10, 2005

Fun Without Writing

You too can have fun without writing. Here's how.

Ways to Have Fun... Without Writing

  1. You can scrub your hair or skin.
  2. You can count how many years flow like water from a faucet.
  3. Become partners or switch pants.
  4. Hold these.
  5. You can pray and lie in your prayers.
  6. Belch and record it and play it back over and over: see how long you can take it.
  7. Write to a Senator about watermarks.
  8. Oh shit, that's writing.

Many couples decide not to write for fear of getting a sexually transmitted disease from each other.

This is absurd. Writing has nothing to do with STDs. But it can, on the other hand, make you depressed or manic. It can frustrate you or enrage you, distracting you from the basic needs of life while tantalising you with unrealised rewards. It is like that Greek thing.

So you shouldn't write. Try not to for long periods of time. Or try writing just one letter, so that you don't get over-stimulated. Some writers have stopped gradually by burning every second novel. You can try writing your paragraphs in a constrained style, like for example making a rule that you have to include at least one technical writing sentence in every such structure. Technical writing is so boring that Holy Shit you're going to grind to a halt pretty fast, faster than lint rolling over a maple-syrup smothered pancake.

Also, you could try writing the word "such" after every declarative phrase. You could do math. You could write a blog.

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