February 27, 2005

Your mom defines my cock as

a multi-purpose and indefatigable tool of immeasurable circumference and mythic length, used in such circumstances as the obstruction of speech, inhalation or excretion. It is capable of repetitive pistoning prefacing the eruption of fluid of magmic temperatures. No civilisation has developed the necessary history it would require to migrate from one of its ends to the other, provoking various legends of Golden Ages available at the opposite terminal. Although it is autonomous and can move about independently, it is--upon insistent demand--often sheathed in my scabbard

Matris and Matres 333.

February 21, 2005

Lets Off Steam

Open source programming and the Wikipedia: these are like virtual communism. They let people work for no other reward than pride in their own efforts, but they nevertheless wouldn't survive if most of these people didn't have regular, competitive, capitalist jobs.

So it's like virtual communism: it creates products that don't even exist (software and the Wikipedia are just rearrangements of a finite number of bytes), but it lets people construct something as a self-correcting, hierachiphobic community.

February 09, 2005

At 12:55 We're Lookin at Some Freshly-Made Pasta

I find it interesting to note the difference in attitude to food that arises between my friends in Canada and my acquaintences in France. I have learned, since I moved to France, about the appreciation of food. This appreciation involves variety, and it involves comparison between different flavours.

Recently, I was quite humbled. Although I say that I have learned "about" the appreciation of food here, I can't say that I've actually learned "how" to do it. My colleagues, for example, recently startled me by comparing the flavours of different salt. I mean, it's salt. It tastes salty. Oh no.

I like searching for flavour. I like sounding a dish for its intricacies. Often food that is well-made, well-presented, appropriately-heated gives you a greater variety of pleasure than pizza pockets.

But I don't want to be simplistic. I actually miss pizza pockets... well, no; actually I miss Jamaican patties. There's nothing like those in France. If there's a food that Canada does well, it's Jamaican patties.

But the value of Canadian food is always so straightforward. This is good because it's spicy. Or this is good because it's crunchy. Canadian marketing can mislead us, by claiming some food is sophisticated just because it's "spicy AND crunchy". Well.

In France the attitude is simply deeper. Often, sophisticated food can differ from simple food in its simplicity. Something can be good because it has one flavour, but it's a flavour you really haven't tried before. There's much more intensity in making subtle distinctions, in hunting in every nook and cranny of flavour that exists.

So I was just reading a story by a Canadian friend of a friend, a wonderfully evocative writer, cynical as hell but in a way that makes you believe in something. Everything she imagines is both familiar and exotic. And mainly, when you read her, you get this awed sense of how much she actually knows to pretend so flippantly that she knows nothing at all.

So that's the vibe you're in while reading her stuff. But then you get to the food, and it flops (momentarily); it's just a bunch of fancy terms. Pass the food part, and we're in awe again.

I was disappointed, but I realise it's characteristic. And I can't offer constructive criticism either. I've had a friend use wine in a poem before, and I tried to explain that something didn't add up in the labels. But I failed to explain what really didn't add up, because, as I said, I don't really know "how" to do this, only that "it's done". In France, only a minority are wine connaisseurs, but even the non-connaisseurs know that drinking is accompanied by tasting, weighing, and comparing. And that's something that's not instinctive in Canada.

So if I really had to offer advice on how to taste food, or how to write about food, I'd have to say: it's not a matter of labels. Good food does is not a dish that you can name; it's a matter of tasting it, watching it, experiencing how it asks to be brought from the plate to your mouth. Where does it hit your palate? How long does it remain hot? To which parts are you eyes attracted first? ... And, can you tell what kind of salt it was salted with?

This is a big topic, and I'm unable to summarise it all. I can't even get my head around it; I just know it's out there. And all that said, I still miss the microwaved Jamaican patties.

The Three Levels of Dynamic Web-Publishing

  1. The "MySQL" Level

    This is where you store pre-made pages in a database, or just on the server in flat files. The pages are created when you enter text in a form window and click "Publish". They then get merged into a template.

    Your server thus publishes each page once. This "server" is not necessarily the web server. Once stored, the web server gives the same file to everybody that comes looking for it.

  2. The "PHP" Level

    This is where your templates are written in PHP, so they pull in information whenever somebody visits your page. The actual pages that people see don't exist, but once they download to the browser, they're made of the same HTML as those at Level 1.

    Your web server published each page, each time somebody requests it. Only the template and the "items" remain untouched.

  3. The "JavaScript" Level

    This is where your templates are filled in by the web browser. Your pages contain bits of script that load dynamic images, check the time and date, ask for the user's name, things like that. The templates, with the script inside, are stored statically on the web server.

    Your web server doesn't do much: the user's web browser runs the javascript that pulls in all the dynamic content. The javascript might call your web server for help, but it doesn't have to. Your user's computer does all the work.

Levels 1. and 3. potentially put the least load on your web server. In level 1., all the pages are pre-processed; in level 3., your user's computer does the processing. That said, level 2. can be the most flexible, because you can pull in dynamic content every time every user sees a page, and you can also access resources that you installed yourself. So in level 2. for example, you can install a special font on your web server, and you can work it so that all your pages are viewed in that special font. In level 3., you have to rely on the fonts that the user has installed on their machine.

February 08, 2005

Democratos of Gnosos

Damn, I need to upgrade to an internet that doesn't have information overload.

For On Computers Article

[ list functions computers perform {stereo, collection organiser, publisher, photo distributor, TV, video editor, word processor, web browser, gaming machine, remote-communicator, wallpaper, doorstop} ] [ ask if the computer does any of these functions better than its "dedicated counterpart" ] [ note that although some functions are completely separate {stereo + photo distributor}, there is neverless a useful chain between probably any two functions {photo distributor -- collection organiser -- stereo} ]

February 07, 2005

Content of Five Deviant Stories

The nominees are: 1. King Philip 2. Trent's Threesome 3. The Girl Who Could Suck Her Cunt 4. The Coveted Repulsive 5. Fuck in the Firewall Room