December 09, 2004

Content Specification for Fuck in Firewall Room

[ describe how paul and mary decided to fuck in the firewall room ] [ describe their care not to bump into the firewall rack ] [ describe the Ikea desk they opposite the racks on which they decided to seat Mary ] [ introduce the sagginess of this desk ] [ describe Paul's motion as he fucked Mary, and Mary's receptive motion ] [ describe the position of Paul's arms under Mary's legs ] [ describe the grip Paul took on the sides of Mary's loosely-knit sweater, and the action he had to perform to satisfy his grip ] [ describe Paul and Mary's initial entrance into the firewall room ] [ describe paul's erection ] [ describe mary's wetness ] [ describe how mary told paul about her wetness ] [ judge mary's character based on how she told paul about her wetness ] [ introduce paul's character with respect to his silence about his erection ] [ describe the doors opposite the firewall room ] [ introduce Catherine, in one of the doors, and the reason Paul and Mary did not fear her intrusion ] [ introduce the President, in the other door, and the reason Paul and Mary did not fear his intrusion ] [ introduce the lock on the firewall room with respect to how it is manipulated from the outside and from the inside ] [ describe Paul and Mary's debate on whether to lock the lock of the room, and Mary's argument for not locking it ] [ describe how Mary hoisted herself onto the server control desk ] [ describe how Paul approached Mary on the server control desk ] [ describe what clothes Mary removed, keeping in tune with her character ] [ describe how Paul prepared his clothes for the act, keeping in tune with his character ] [ describe how Lang, the webmaster, had run a cable across from the racks to the CD burner ] [ remark on the messy state of the cable on the server room floor ] [ describe how Paul stepped on this cable ] [ describe how Lang ran in to the room to see what the problem was ] [ describe how Paul and Mary disengaged ] [ describe how Mary hid herself ] [ describe how Paul tripped over his jeans and crashed backwards into the racks ]

December 03, 2004

Heartwarming Wishes from Alberto Belbo

Belbo teamed up with The Chickarouser to present me with this beautiful birthday gift. Activate the hypertext to listen. Happy Birthday Martin I LOVE it! :)

November 28, 2004

Come Shit in My House!

I was just thinking today how high and where I would put shelves in my toilet such that I could store my collection of comic books there, and I was imagining that they could go sort of above my head and on both sides of the toilet so as to maximize the space that could be used for displaying those comic books. And I was thinking how I could then buy a bunch of comic books to fill those shelves, since I actually only have about eight comic books. And I was thinking how awesome that would be to justify trips to comic book stores to get more comic books by the fact that I have empty comic-book-sized shelves in the toilet. And I was thinking how it would look so awesome to have full shelves of comic books in my toilet that I would even take a picture of them soaring above my head, offering their comic book splendour in full majesty, and I could post that picture on the web. I was thinking how proud I would be of such comic-book-filled shelves, and how impressed I would be each time I entered between them, and how I would advertise this pride to the whole entire world.

November 26, 2004

I've never seen anybody but me propose to resolve a dispute rationally after getting angry at someone. I'm like Jesus.

November 18, 2004

my planet:
Weird. When I lived in Canada, I used to worry a lot about the disappearance of other languages. Due to the enormous and overbearing influence of English. It's not until I started living in other countries that I realised how little there is to worry about. So whence--from what evidence--could this initial concern have come?

October 21, 2004

My first CD player (Sony) read the track sectors from each track on a CD, and had a button to navigate back and forth through the sectors on a single track, if the track had such sectors, of which, for example, Enigma's Sadeness (I) had three. Sadeness was a long track, so it was convenient that it was divided into three sectors. I preferred sectors i and iii, for example, so I could use the sector-navigation feature to navigate directly to them, and skip that boring sector ii. However, modern CD players not only do not have a sector-navigation feature, they often don't even separate the buttons for rewind/fast-forward from the buttons for previous/next track. This absence, in comparison to the features on my first CD player, blows quite hard. I would just like to note this fact for people reading this from the future, when CD players no longer have buttons, but automatically play the entire CD from front to back as soon as you put it in the machine, so these people can envy how good we had it back in the day.

Is Privacy-Protection Technology Causing More Invasion in our Models' Lives?

Wicked. Since everyone's now on the internet, and since everyone's getting laptops, and since everyone's getting tired of tripping over cables and getting wireless, and since some people are liking going wireless and are starting to want to stay wireless even in more intimate areas of their house, LinkSys is suddenly justified in featuring as the biggest image on their homepage a young woman in her underwear.

September 28, 2004

This is the story of a man who tagged cars to follow their migratory movements.

August 09, 2004

F*ing Summer

fucking summer fading summer filling summer falling summer fasting summer fatting summer flirting summer fingering summer fantasising summer failing summer foaming summer facing summer

August 05, 2004

It should be possible to set up a PayPal account, then claim that I'm receiving less-than-minimum-wage through my PayPal account, and demand the government that I get paid at a rate decent for a citizen of a civilised nation, thus forcing people who surf the web to pay me at least as much as would bring my income to an acceptable level. I think this will work.

June 25, 2004

China, 2013

Mark my words. Mark. My. Words. Three words for you: Mark. My. Words.

June 17, 2004

I have often found myself trying to "optimize" my computer by choosing faster, lighter software for it, then been embarassed that I spend such ridiculous effort when I could buy more memory or a faster processor for a couple of bucks. But I've got a good computer at work, and I still manage to grind it to a halt with all the shit I start doing simultaneously. I wonder if command lines--the interfaces by which you type into a black window instead of clicking menus with a mouse--are actually more appropriate to us idea people than windows GUIs. I don't think any computer, no matter how much memory you put on it, is going to be able to handle what I can invent for it to do. Because the moment it pauses to make a harder calculation, I'm going to think of some other thing to launch. And this will quickly escalate. So I will proceed with my plans to go 100% command line at home. And web browser of course... but that will be for reading only strict, light, conformant DOM-based XHTML.

June 02, 2004

Psshhtt! aaaaaaaaaaaahhh. <0€80> <perrier> <at> <work> But the φυκκing machine won't take my change!

May 27, 2004

I was following a discussion thread with some interest until I came to the line:
I wish I would live long enough to see an XSLT processor that takes advantage in this way of an available multi-processor configuration
and realised I had understood too much.

May 26, 2004

QED

I drop the sum of beats. The sum of sum beats. My machines produce beats. The product of my beats Is the Cartesian cross product of the set of all beats. My beats equate with the Cartesian sliding cross product of beats That my machine mathematically repeats.

Content Specification for Repulsive Coveted

[ narrate the story of the repulsive coveted ]

  [ narrate how he meets his friend in a cafe ]

  [ narrate how they decide to meet after he visits the cinema ]

    [ introduce the term for masturbation {strangling the donkey} ]

    [ narrate the conversation about the movie that's to play ]

  [ describe the cinema {The Harness} ]

    [ introduce the moviegoers ]

      [ introduce the police officers ]

        [ narrate how once, there was a pair of them, and their caps fell off together ]

      [ introduce the women ]

        [ describe their rarity, and the disguises they often wear ]

        [ oppose Olga ]

          [ introduce Olga ]

    [ introduce the seats ]

    [ introduce the cleanliness of the establishment ]

      [ introduce the necessity of sometimes walking in semen ]

        [ describe the justification for this ]

  [ narrate the second meeting with his friend/colleague at the office/party/cafe/work session ] 

    [ narrate how they do some intense, but enjoyable work, that is both productive, useful and stimulating ]

    [ narrate how he describes the film {his relative disappointment} ]

      [ narrate his narration of an earlier visit to the cinema ]

        [ describe the arousing and memorable scene that played ]

        [ describe his excitement after the film, his replay in his head of the memorable scene and the actress, his frequent masturbation as he imagined the same scene ]

    [ describe the repulsive woman that attends the latter part of the meeting ]

  [ narrate something else, to divert attention from both the cinema and the repulsive woman ]

  [ introduce another session with the repulsive woman, an incertain amount of time after the first work session ]

  [ describe a series of meetings that include this woman, and the re-iterated repulsion he experiences to her work and behaviour ]

    [ narrate his statement of opinion to his other colleagues, and their general concurrence ]

  [ narrate a second non-work meeting with his friend, in the cafe, and his excitement that his old favorite film is going to play again ]

    [ describe how he's been following a strict masturbation plan for a whole month in order to prepare for it ]

      [ describe the plan ]

        [ describe his frequency, and rate of change, of masturbation ]

        [ describe the calculated avoidance of orgasm during key periods ]

        [ describe the pressure applied to the testicles ]

        [ describe his girlfriend's role in the plan ]

        [ describe his wife's role in the plan {mainly the cuisine?} ]

        [ describe how he integrates his fetish {milk? needles? sweat?} into the plan ]

  [ narrate his visit to the cinema, and the discovery that the actress that he so worshipped is the repulsive woman he so abhors ]

    [ describe his disappointment ]

      [ describe his inability to fancy the repulsive woman as the porn star, and hence the destruction of all his fancies concerning the porn star, despite his efforts ]

  [ narrate his dwindling interest in the cinema ]

  [ narrate his demotivation at work, and then his remotivation, through channeling his disgust into popular, poignant, though cynical philosophical articles ]

  [ narrate the counsel of his friends and wife, their attempts to lift his spirits ]

  [ narrate his irritation of all these attempts, culminating in fury when he finally discovers his frustrated wife cooking a dish he doesn't like for his best friend ]

  [ narrate his analysis of the repulsive juxtaposition of worshipped starlet with disgusting person ]

    [ narrate his description of the dates at which the filming had taken place, with respect to the woman's current age ]

    [ narrate his awareness that the traits that had so aroused him had become the traits that so repulse him ]

  [ transcribe the recipe that appeared in the newspaper, part of a column inaugurated by his wife, with the support of his best friend, on the anniversary of his death from absence of will ]

May 21, 2004

May 19, 2004

I'm embarassed. I've conciously edited someone's writing by adding periods to all full sentences in bullets, and removing bullets from all incomplete sentences. I hadn't thought that this may curtail its authority.

Using a period at the end of a bulleted or numbered list is often based on whether the list items are complete sentences. But consider this scenario. You have two lists separated by a single sentence. In the first list, the items form complete senteces. Therefore, you terminate all the items in the list with periods. In the second list, none of the items form a complete sentence. Therfore, you do not use periods. A reader, noticing this obvious difference but not knowing the rule behind it, may consider it sloppy writing, casting doubt on the authority of the author. ... Periods are used for things besides terminal punctuation: decimals and ellipses, for example. Therefore, consider using a period at the end of a list item not as terminal punctuation for a sentence but as terminal punctuation for an item.

Connatser, Brad. Reconsidering Some Prescriptive Rules of Grammar and Composition. Technical Communication. 51. 2.

@UWaterloo - News and Updates | Office of Alumni Affairs | University of Waterloo

@UWaterloo - News and Updates | Office of Alumni Affairs | University of Waterloo: " Muslim student awarded Jewish studies prize"

I'd have took this

Look.

Dan::Dan()

The city means you!
Dan ;
Dan++ ;
Dan( Dan )
{
  Dan++ ;
  ++Dan ;

  Dan ? Dan++ : --Dan ;

  Dan( Dan == Dan ) ? --++Dan--++ : ++--Dan--++ ;
}
/* Dan */

May 17, 2004

Post this list of Blender's 50 Worst Songs of All Time in your journal and bold the songs that you actually like: 1. We Built This City ... Starship (no, but the video was impressive) 2. Achy Breaky Heart ... Billy Ray Cyrus 3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight ... Wang Chung (This is a total party.) 4. Rollin' ... Limp Bizkit 5. Ice Ice Baby ... Vanilla Ice (No.) 6. The Heart of Rock & Roll ... Huey Lewis and the News (No, but almost) 7. Don't Worry, Be Happy ... Bobby McFerrin (It is insulting to find this on this list.) 8. Party All the Time ... Eddie Murphy 9. American Life ... Madonna 10. Ebony and Ivory ... Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder (almost... come on these guys are genii!) 11. Invisible ... Clay Aiken 12. Kokomo ... The Beach Boys (also almost) 13. Illegal Alien ... Genesis 14. From a Distance ... Bette Midler 15. I'll Be There for You ... The Rembrandts 16. What's Up? ... 4 Non Blondes 17. Pumps and a Bump ... Hammer 18. You're the Inspiration ... Chicago (I love almost everything by Chicago.) 19. Broken Wings ... Mr. Mister 20. Dancing on the Ceiling ... Lionel Richie (yeah right! He's sorta making a comeback with this, too!) 21. Two Princes ... Spin Doctors 22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) ... Toby Keith 23. Sunglasses at Night ... Corey Hart (This tune fucking SMOKES. Wrong list!) 24. Superman ... Five for Fighting 25. I'll Be Missing You ... Puff Daddy 26. The End ... The Doors 27. The Final Countdown ... Europe (Dunno about the big hair, but it makes me feel like Rocky.) 28. Your Body Is a Wonderland ... John Mayer (wtf???!) 29. Breakfast at Tiffany's ... Deep Blue Something 30. Greatest Love of All ... Whitney Houston (almost... it's unfortunately catchy, plus there's "they can't take away my candy...") 31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm ... Crash Test Dummies (almost... nah forget it. These guys crouch.) 32. Will 2K ... Will Smith 33. Barbie Girl ... Aqua 34. Longer ... Dan Fogelberg 35. Shiny Happy People ... R.E.M. (see #31) 36. Make Em Say Uhh! ... Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal 37. Rico Suave ... Gerardo 38. Cotton Eyed Joe ... Rednex (Wait... I thought this was by The Grid. The Grid version rocks.) 39. She Bangs ... Ricky Martin 40. I Wanna Sex You Up ... Color Me Badd 41. We Didn't Start the Fire ... Billy Joel 42. The Sounds of Silence ... Simon and Garfunkel (Yeah, these guys rule.) 43. Follow Me ... Uncle Kracker 44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) ... Meat Loaf (doesn't blow hard; the melody's good and the theme is somewhat mysterious (I haven't listened to the lyrics though.)) 45. Mesmerize ... Ja Rule featuring Ashanti 46. Hangin' Tough ... New Kids on the Block 47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You ... Bryan Adams 48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da ... The Beatles 49. I'm Too Sexy ... Right Said Fred (Whoever says this is bad is just trying to be cool... like when we were seven and we claimed that we didn't like Sesame Street.) 50. My Heart Will Go On ... Celine Dion (Hmmm, I don't think I've heard this yet..... Sike!)

May 15, 2004

I am well aware that the morning, from the moments before I wake up, up until I eat lunch, is my idea time. This is probably normal. It is my hypnopompos, after all. In fact that is inaccurate. My ideas are not technically hypnopompic, because they are extremely rationally ordered. However, this makes perfect sense: the morning is when my reason is in greatest contact with my hypnopompos. This is a sensible theory to address my relative abundance of ideas in the morning as opposed to other times of the day. But the weird thing is: I think I also have an "idea time" around six-seven o'clock in the evening. More like seven o'clock, just before dinner. That's weird. Why does that happen?

Content Specification for Aesthetics

[ claim that France puts greater weight on aesthetics than Canada ]

  [ list the three French people that you have heard make a remark that proved their interest in aesthetics over functionality ]

    [ describe person 1: nationality, job ]

    [ describe person 2: natioanlity, job ]

    [ describe person 3: nationality, job ]

  [ desrcribe the remark ]

  [ admit that your sample population may not be representative of France, but argue that you would never have heard a Canadian making the same remark ]

  [ concede that you need further evidence, and announce that you have some ]

    [ list your evidence of an interest in aesthetics in France ]

       [ introduce clothing ]

         [ compare Canadian "originality in clothing" to the French "beauty in clothing" ]

           [ describe how each occurs at the expense of the other ]

           [ admit the nobility of originality, but present the merits of unoriginal, or conformist, beauty ]

       [ introduce "les trompes l'oeil" ]

         [ note how this concept is never considered in Canada ]

       [ introduce music ]

  [ take a moment to discuss Holland, Poland, Portugal ]

  [ conclude ]

May 13, 2004

Gay Bitches

Recent email proved that homosexuality is a natural, God-made phenomenon. The email invoked the text of a scientific article on giant squids under the skin of male of which had been found deposits of giant squid semen. Lest you doubt the authority of email, let it be known that it provided a link to the journal that published the entire text, and the article referenced the museum, Stralsund, whose researchers had been preparing the corpses for exhibition. The researchers noted that male giant squid are incapable of injecting sperm underneath their own skin (owing likely to the rigidity of their peni), and that the injections therefore necessarily originated from gay companions. With the caveat that the couplings may have occured accidentaly during a giant squid orgy while male squid were actually attempting to ejaculate under the skin of female squid, but with the warning that meetings among giant squid are unfortunately too rare to postulate the throwing of a giant squid orgy, this discovery otherwise proves that God made gays. ellipsis It reminds me of a photograph in a magazine, which I have wanted to tell you about. It portrayed three monkeys. The normal kind. I don't know my monkeys, but these weren't apes nor gorillas, nor those orange orangutans. Nor those red, plastic-assed babboons. These were those regular type of monkeys; the kind that most people would like to have for a pet if they were to want a pet monkey. (Maybe they're chimps. I'm actually surprised I know so many types of monkeys.) Anyway, the type of monkeys doesn't matter. What matters is that there was a male monkey in this photo, just sitting down and observing the two other monkeys. And the other two monkeys were female monkeys. One of the female monkeys was lying down with her hairy legs comfortably splayed. The second female monkey was going down on her. The editors of the magazine (I despair to admit I forget its name) were sufficiently proud (and rightly so) of their photograph to award it a giant two-page spread. The text at the bottom of the photograph explained that monkeys were often observed so having sex for pleasure rather than for the pleasure of reproduction. ellipsis I find evidence of this kind in God's animal kingdom a comforting sign of His power and Omniscience: that He would in His infinite Love provide our world with various kinds of sexuality such that His world would prosper in the progress that arises from contact with diversity. ellipsis Another email told us of a Christian columnist advising readers on the subject of homosexuality by pointing to Leviticus 18:22 where it says something to the effect that a man sleeping with a man like he sleeps with his wife is an abomination and concluding that homosexuality is therefore an abomination, and (if you are lost in my grammar, the subject of this sentence is still "another email") presented one reader's response in which the reader enumerated the blatantly ridiculous other laws laid down by Moses, such as, among others,

J'ai un voisin qui tient à travailler le samedi. L'Exode, chapitre 35, verset 2, dit clairement qu'il doit être condamne à mort. Suis je oblige de le tuer moi-meme ? Pourriez-vous me soulager de cette question génante d'une quelconque manière ?

In order to garner the same kind of defense as presented by this reader, as well as for other sorts of intellectual enlightment, I have read the five books of Moses. I must concur with the email's conclusion that while the Bible explicitly calls homosexuality an abomination in the sight of God, it also explicitly condemns a great many acts that are in daily practise today, and orders a great many acts which it would today be impossible to practise, nonwithstanding that the five books of Moses are explicitly addressed not to Christians but to "the children of Israel". It is therefore impossible to take any of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers or Deuteronomy literally. At least for a Christian, if not for everyone. ellipsis In spite, however, of all these proofs that God hangs with homos, I have a nagging question in my mind about sexuality and dogs. I'm not talking bestiality. I'm just wondering: dogs seem to be the greatest proof that gays are born, not conditioned, given that any dog will hump almost anything. He'll be especially happy if he can fit his pecker into a friend's asshole. In fact, even if my impression is erroneous, the canic race at least produces more diverse sexuality among its males than any numbers a human gay pride parade can claim. But what about bitches? Has anyone ever seen two girl dogs have sex? Does this not seem like a contradiction? Somehow? Am I just deprived? And if I am, how would it work? C'mon bitches: get with it!

May 12, 2004

In my dream last night, I was reading La Disparition, and I suddenly realised that for many pages the text had been using e's. I had already missed many of them, but I reached a page on which they were in bold. I started turning pages back, to find where the e's had begun. I was surprised how far back I was going. And the more pages I retreated, the more disappointed I felt that the author had compromised his text to such a degree. My dream offered an uncertain, inexpressible, but plausible justification for the letter's reappearance. And when I say inexpressible, I mean I can't express it. But if I try, then I would say that a certain section of the book was presenting something external to itself: as if it were discussing other books, or posters, or simply other texts, and this explained its right to include the forbidden character. In spite of this, I was, I repeat, very disappointed. Not only to find the book's objective unfulfilled but because, in my dream, I had been living, like Anton Voyl, the same type of world without e's. With their reappearance, I felt I had to dodge things; I felt the discomfort of being trapped between formalities. It's almost as if a dose of reality (the e), had suppressed a piece of my idealised liberty. When I awoke this morning however, I was content that La Disparition could induce such a trippy vision, and I read it with greater fervour.

May 04, 2004

Novel to Blog

Speaking of the novel as a contemporary medium: Le roman dévore aujourd'hui toutes les formes ; on est à peu près forcé d'en passer par lui. Cette étude sur la destinée d'un homme qui s'est nommé Hadrien eût été une tragédie au xviie siècle ; c'eût été un essai à l'époque de la Renaissance. From Yourcenar, Mémoires d'Hadrien. Can we begin imagining this passage with "roman" substituted by "blog"? "Bloggus Caesari" (available here), seems to indicate that we can.

April 19, 2004

Je pense quandmême qu'il est dans mon interêt que des gens autres que moi soient heureux.

April 09, 2004

It did not catch on

Welcome to my "webbed" log. When I say "webbed", it's a reference to a phenomenal medium sometimes called the "world-wide web", a texto-graphical interface to an interconnected network of machines all over the Earth. I personally like to just call it "the web". It's shorter. (Imagine me smiling and winking when I write that!) The term "web", plus the standard word "log", gives "webbed log". That's all you need to say for me to know that you mean my texto-graphical world-wide networked journal. Isn't that amazing? But: alright, alright! We're all lazy, I know, I know. You're asking if there isn't even a shorter name for my webbed log. What? You don't think I'm a hipster? You don't think I scoff at sticklers for formal language? Of course I've got a shorter term. Come on, say it with me: Welcome to my 'dlog!

February 21, 2004

February 14, 2004

February 12, 2004

The imperative, for example as it appears in French, is only supposed to be applied to the second person, so the rule is that it is only conjugated for tu, nous, and vous. I think it should be conjugated for all the pronouns. (je) "Arrete !" (Ordering oneself to stop.) (il/elle) "Regarde !" (Ordering a person to whom you're not speaking to look at something.) (ils/elles) "Regardese !" (Ordering a group of people to whom you're not speaking--and who may not even be aware that you are speaking--to look at something.)

February 11, 2004

Currently Reading

  • On the train: Yourcenar, M. Mémoires d'Hadrien
  • At lunch: Various. King James Bible
  • On weekends: Márquez, G. G. tr. E. Grossman. Living to Tell the Tale
  • In the toilet: Rutherfurd, J. London

January 21, 2004

It's funny how the emotional value of a term can have an impact on its sense. I made up the opposite terms "modulesIntegrated" and "modulesSeparated" to indicate text that would or would not take part in my documents depending on whether our released product had the module pack feature in it. The module pack feature is good, because it allows modules to be added to the product independently of the product. Therefore, I would like to move my documents from "modulesIntegrated" to "modulesSeparated". But we are in an intermediate stage of development, so I have to keep both versions of the text for now, and each time I publish my documents, I have to choose which type of text to include. And each time I have to choose which text to display, I forget what "modulesIntegrated" and "modulesSeparated" mean! I tend to think of the whole process in terms of "Now I'm making the good version," or "Now it's the crap version". But I can't remember which one of "integrated" or "separated" is "good". In fact, "separated" is good. So I wonder: if I had chosen the terms "good" and "crap", would it help? Surely it would; but I wanted two extra things: some traceability for the future, and some scalability. If I use the terms "good" and "crap" A) I can only use them for this one feature, and B) I'll forget what they mean later on. Even "goodModules", "crapModules" lose some traceability. But I think a term like "modulesLumped" and "modulesSeparated" would work much better: because the classic "separated" sounds more intellectual than the onomatopoeic "lumped". I would more easily map the "more intellectual" term with the "good" version. In fact, if I had said "modulesDependent" vs. "modulesIndependent", that might be even more descriptive, while introducing a sense of "crappiness" into the version which is made with the term "dependent". But that's all due to the cultural weights of the words. I can understand something quicker when I choose a word that touches me somewhere. And that's funny.