June 25, 2001
Amerigo, Amejigo, AmexicoBlew a tire this morning. Blew a tire. Blue a tire. Blue a tire. Blue attire. Blew attire. Blue attire this morning. Blue dockers, blue suede shoes, navy socks, marine mariner's cap, jaunty pipe, eyes cocked at a passing lass, blue tattoo: of anchor. Bought my dockers at the Docks; blew my pipe at seagull flocks; bought my socks at cents apiece; paid for blow from fatman's niece. Snorted blow, set out to sea; windward laylard laid a lee; swung to starboard, snossed the snocks; rebowed the toil through nowling lochs. Celebrated nautically; blew my boy and he blows me. Let the lemon course my chest, the stream to lick; to fondle, zest, Pectorals at their brazen best, and sprit waysporting south-south-west. While shaving, blade glints in my eye, Through mirrored doorway, I tears bespy.
June 23, 2001
Night brought chill, and night brought a starless cloak. A thin moon hung in a slipping buttonhole, too weak for the heavy fabric, a coat so heavy that it must have stifled, yet it seemed to only serve the silent sky far above where raindrops sometimes form beyond human perception. The earth it left to fend for itself, and the earth upon which stalked the boy grew cold, remarkably cold for the heat it pulsed only short hours ago. His hardened heels chilled and sent strikes through the boy's bones. The thick cloak that cloaked the sun and refused all other pleas, the cloak which gave only to the rich and taunted the rest brought with it other pain than cold. The boy knew this and knew that every step he took without precaution took him closer to folly. The wearer of the cloak was arrogant but the bearer of the torch was more arrogant still; he knew he could fight easily chill. The cloak cloaked motions of the deep; it raised demonic beasts from sleep. And when the cloak would cloak their queen they then emerged and moved unseen. Like devil's minions at last free, long sliding forms took advantage of the night to cast about their haunting spirits. These spiders, snakes, desert rats and lizard scales emerged and roamed, and where no fire ran they feared nothing. The boy knew this but he pushed on in folly, striking no spark, for already a spark grew within him. He knew that the next step he took could unwittingly be the tread on a slithering skin, into a silent nest of snakes. He knew, deeply, that he was freezing. But the knowledge was deep and though the degrees fell the knowledge only surfaced by degrees. The knowledge sunk under the weight of his searching eyes. He could not bring himself to, through flame, douse the little sight left in his eyes. He had seen a ghostly shape by scanning his eyes perhaps where the air had slid the face before. The cloak was too black to directly see, but white motions raised hopes. He would make forty treads along the road fruitlessly when a white motion would spur him ahead. He knew he had only to follow the road. He cried out once more. He heard no cry in return. The boy's body warmed as he desperately tread, and he grew more confidently longing, and he felt that he could reach the white shape, when he stumbled across it: a crumpled sheet upon the road. Stooping to lift it in astonishment, he found himself in a nest of the devil's snakes.
June 20, 2001
Ana, in anarobic, means the opposite of aerobic, which is the use of oxygen in stimulating the circulatory system. (No dictionary yet.) Anarobic is the excess of stimulation, suggesting that ana is excess or external. Logos is study, logy the process of studying. So analogy is external to study, or--more likely--external study. Not far off from the sense we get when the redcross knight slays the dragon to save una's mother and father. Does it make sense for the analog clock, or analog music? Okay now let's check that lame excuse for the expensive and difficult-to-access oed.
June 19, 2001
XXX-tian FilmsAfter Christian Death Metal, one wonders how far the Herd of the Lord could take its superimposition on average society. Since all groups need to be eventually saved, the apostles must take great pains to establish common interests with every diverse one of them. Once on familiar terms with any such assembly, Christians can easily show that their activity is only enhanced by the presence of the father, the son, and the holy pamphlet. The aforesaid assembly can then assimilate into the true body of Christianity and proceed to target a new interest. One of the potential goals for future efforts is the porn industry, for where better could Christ share his vision? Christian porn?, you ask. Why, is that not a little unjustifiable? Hardly. While at first the two communities may seem irreconcilable, their differences are really only in minor areas that effort can, as easily as profanity in secular death metal, circumvent. There are only a few essential steps to follow.
- All on-screen sex performed by the married It is un-Christian to have extra-marital relations, but not to watch them! Therefore, by the simple device of having all actors who engage in sex on-screen to be married to one another, pornography is as holy as water.
- All watchers of on-screen sex married Masturbation, the most common use of secular pornography, is a mortal sin. Therefore to establish a Christian use it is necessary that the users are ordained by God to be aroused by the material and proceed by its effects to have a child.
- All actors portray married personnages This is not an absolute requirement, but any (married) actors portraying umarried sex must also be immediately portrayed to go to Hell, where they must be severely pained and punished, and if any of the punishment results in more sex must be sent even further into Hell, there being approximately nine circles of aforesaid location for this purpose. Thus some fascinating and promising narratives may occur, perhaps more imaginative even than the secular versions.
- The disadvantage of monogamous couplings may be eliminated only by death Of course secular porn boasts the flexibility of mixed coupling, which in Christian porn becomes difficult to implement due to reason #1, above. However, in the case of real-life death of one of the actors, the widowed member is permitted to remarry and if sufficient foresight is put into the project, it is possible that for example the same Christian woman may have on-screen sex with two (or more) different Christian men providing that each of the men dies after the act and the woman marries his successor. At this point there is still no sinning involved.
- Lesbian scenes and three-somes are out of the question The only possible implementation of Christian lesbian scenes would have to be through camera trickery, wherein portrait shooting suggests labio-lingual contact and stage shooting shows two women naked in proximity, though not actually touching. Another suggestion is to use a well-shaven husband's lips in a vertical position to reasonably simulate a vagina which the wife could proceed to stimulate with her tongue. Nevertheless, as even suggestions of this type of activity are sinful, care should be taken to advertise that they are not really happening by camera shots which reveal the tricks. It can the be left to the viewers' imaginations in the intervening seconds to suppose what they may. However, as even imagination of this acitivity leads straight to Hell, those who choose to imagine it shall go straight to Hell.
Won't it be a disappointment when England follows a King again? It seems she's always had a Queen, and one wonders whether our age won't come to some kind of dark vacuum when Elizabeth II retreats. It is with difficulty that one searches for the quintessential England without running into a female at the nation's head. One is bound to ask God's grace for the female monarch as one is bound to employ her name in romanticising the secret service, discussing a prison sentence in a 19th century novel, or merely interacting with a common merchant. Has England once prospered by a man? She makes a case for female identity. While we may cheer for Henry V's heroics in France we must not overlook their chronicle by a subject of the original Elizabeth. Is Shakespeare sly in producing six or eight works featuring King when his present would so clearly pass into a future that maintained the chorus of Queen? Smart as he was, his work could not be but a sexually-reversed allegory, and he peers from between his stage directions smiling like Leonardo Da Vinci's seated model. She is India and Africa. She is the empire on which the sun never sets. She is the renaissance and the enlightment. She is money and the difference engine. She is Sir Edmund Hillary and the Theatre. She is even--privatisation. She is her majesty.
June 14, 2001
June 12, 2001
Dead--Tetelestai Interview "SM-Study Romans untill you KNOW your salvation is secure because you are in God's righteousness, not your own. Please email me if you have questions about your savior and your salvation. DG-Buy our CD!" This interview... whew, I tell ya. Does it not strike anybody as twisted that Christians have borrowed one of the most satanic forms of music there is to spread their message of Love? Perhaps these kids just felt that a liberal sprinkling of Death Metal turned out to be just what the doctor ordered after a week of pamphlet-pushing. These Christian groups always make God out to be some leather-jacketed Harley-rider. They give the impression that they've researched into what was "hip" for ten years just to come off nonchalant when launching into their conversions. They get so tight-assed that it always backfires. Nobody wants to listen to some milk-drinker pretending to be into death metal or hip hop "as long as it's got no swearing."
June 08, 2001
June 06, 2001
11. Canadians make a big deal out of going outsideAs soon as warm weather hits (cf. 1999), Canadians are all boasting about how they love being outside and how beautiful it is outside. They spend a short time outside, taking advantage of this warm weather (cf. summer clothing). In the words of one anonymous Californian "I don't see the big deal. I'm from California myself ... <short pause>... and I go inside; I go outside; it's all the same." He goes on to mumble something about "brush fires" which the noise of the streetcar entering the underground tunnel at Spadina makes difficult to hear, and when it calms he is already trying to pick up the girl he was talking to, leveraging the fact that he is from California in his pursuit. It is likely that his point is that the climate in California is relatively static year-round, and the brush-fires sometimes even make warm weather less attractive than cooler. Thus inhabitants of said state show a marked difference to the Canadian preoccupation with beautiful, warm, inviting days that it would be "a shame to waste playing video games" (cf. Star Control 2; Dr. Mario).
There was only one seven-year-old kid who could talk so high over my head that it bored me to incomprehension. The things he said, his genius, his inunobfuscatably compressed imagination were so above mine that his lengthy speeches to me were no longer language, but more like the droning that must be his master's address to a dog. For, coming to my senses and grasping at that tail end of his communication, I could feel that it concerned me, that I could use it, but I possessed nothing capable of harnessing his power. Admittedly, I use seven-year-old as a metaphor for ten-year-old, because the latter has fewer syllables. But that's still young for a kid to talk so high over his peer's head. He chose me as occassionally in my life a socially-disinterested, intellectually-focused and highly boring peer has chosen me as a sympathetic receptacle for his Niagara of ideas, receptacle which he doesn't realize is little more than a bobbing plastic bucket. And I really caught nothing, was incapable of catching more than nothing, besides those last drops that fertilised my own imagination with possibilities that my mechanical conventions instantly mowed down. He was telling me about Lego. How I wish that I had listened more carefully, for how I like imaginative constructions that use all the arrogance of logic to simply support the fecund heap of alien creativity in mind-blowing kaleidoscopes of innovation. But I only heard parts. The rest of the time I was squinting into the sun, looking left and right for oncoming vehicles, staring at the tennis courts, and trying to keep my place in line. And somehow, from the humble brick, he had built a solar system. Somehow, each sphere boasted its own coefficient of gravity. Somehow, each sphere existed at its own pace of civilisation, and each approached differently its exploration of the others. I don't know where in Toys R Us he ever found so many Space sets. Think! Planets. Gravity. Space exploration. There's so much potential in this idea that ... I'm sure there aren't many Lego kids who could pass up the chance to own a solar system. I hope that twenty-four-year-old kid still has his Lego and has gone on to build parallel universes. Not many of us are his equals in imagination.
June 05, 2001
Talk of cycles and waves and you will find that what is true for the individual is true for the aggregate. After almost a year spent on a hiring spree, inviting many happy faces to join and operate together, the company turns one hundred frowns and two hundred tears out the door.
The most vigorous expression of a resolution does not always coincide with the greatest vigour of the resolution itself: it is often flung out as a sort of prop to support a decaying conviction which, whilst strong, required no enunciation to prove it so. The "no I won't" of Bathsheba meant virtually "I think I must."
June 01, 2001
If you look up "HTML Tag" for example, you get a list of acceptable French translations, all of which are astonishingly appropriate without resorting to a perversion of the English. You get "marqueur HTML" as the principal entry, then "etiquette, ferret, codet,etc..." "Etiquette" for example means "sticker," which I find is a very poetic way of referring to an HTML tag, isn't it? We don't often think about how we make up new terms in English, but it's a process much much different than the French. We are more likely to hyphenate and coordinate than to search for a term that already exists. I bet we get this from the Germans. I once worked with a German who would go nutty hyphenating English words together. I proofread one of his reports one time and there were some crazy words he made up. I just remember thinking "Wow! This makes sense but English words don't typically have three hyphens in them!" And he told me that he thought it was okay, since in German you can string words together without even putting a hyphen. Wesffnougatchokolïtaugenblïck and all that. And then: did you know that in French you can't put more than one adjective behind a noun? You can't say "the late hungry fat purple encrusted thirteen-year-old nun broke her large favourite smelly magenta bedpan." You'd be like "La grosse nonne qui était en retard, qui avait faim, qui était encrôuté, qui avait .... etc." Notice that at the bottom of the list it says "Termes a éviter: Tag HTML." This is not just a curiosity, but a factor in how we patriotic Canadians can understand the differences in culture threatening to divide our country. For one, I think it's cool that the Quebecois (they are ahead of the French in collecting technological terms), catalogue their language this way. It can inspire us in our vocabulary as well. For example, I can describe my nightly activity with your moms as "branching into your mother," or that I like it when your moms fight over my "extended module" or "give me anchor."