May 30, 2001
May 28, 2001
May 25, 2001
May 24, 2001
May 22, 2001
May 15, 2001
10. Canadians read books on the subwayWhat else are they going to do? Well, for example, they could read more newspapers. But they seem to prefer the weightier and more fantastic forms of literature. This is an obvious indication that Canadian lives are so horribly mundane that that they simply must escape from reality at the end of their day. Or at its beginning. But we err to theorise where we should only observe because all our theories could turn out flawed. After all perhaps the reading Canadians choose is actually harsh, gritty realism, even darker and depressing than our normal lives. Perhaps our newspapers (cf. Post, Star, Globe, Sun, Record), offer too little fact and too much fancy for our tastes. So the interesting question that blossoms is what in fact are Canadians reading? Statistics Canada should have the answer to that, but they don't seem to have the convenience of a working website, which leads us to:
Corollary 10.1: The Statistics Canada website is down.
9. Les Canadiens ne font pas de queueCa se voit surtout devant les boulangeries. Il parait que le Canada est tellement bien organisé qu'on n'a jamais besoin d'attendre. C'est probablement puisqu'il n'a pas de boulangeries au Canada, mais peu importe. Dans la poste: pas tellement de queue; dans une banque, pas de queue non plus. Peut-être la seule fois qu'on peut voir les Canadiens faire la queue c'est dans les bureaux gouvernmentales. Mais bon, c'est normal.
May 09, 2001
May 04, 2001
8. Canadians rent textbooks to high school students.And a good thing it is to see the government spending money on something. These books aren't always in bad shape either. Typically, how it works is that every eight to ten years the government issues some new editions of textbooks. In the inside cover of each textbook (right inside the cover, where there is a page glued to the cardboard), there is a large stamp. This stamp has the form of a table, and the top headings in the table are "Name," "Date," "Signature" and "Condition." Each student is obliged to complete the first empty row of this table (reading from top to bottom, cf. "Left to Right"), indicating in the leftmost column the condition of the textbook with some witty adjective/invective. At the end of the year the students must return these books, usually during the respective exam, and if they don't they are threatened by the administration. The great advantages of this system are numerous. One, they don't clutter up everyone's house with useless highschool texts for the rest of their lives. Two, they save money on books, or at least publishers make less money selling books, I mean, you can't make a killing in the textbook publishing business I bet because it's so unpredictable and I mean really they keep those books forever. Three, it is amusing and thus motivating for the students to see how funny people in their math textbook pictures dressed ten years ago. Like in grade six when sideburns were really "out" for example all the people in our math textbook photos had sideburns! What a riot! (Cf. "Quebec WTO summit") As mentioned before, it is also one of the few areas in which Canadians can visibly note signs of government spending. They sure do take a lot of taxes here, but they so rarely pretend to be giving it back. Sign of an immature country. (Cf. "Taxes")
7. Canadians wear seatbelts in the backUnless they're rebels. But note that you have to be a rebel not to wear a seatbelt in the back, and any average Canadian will snap right in from the moment they sit their butt down. Some will even spend some moments rooting around under the peanut shells and gum to pull out the buckle from beneath the seat cushions. This buckle will often have been stuck so long under the customary pile of rubbish that it will actually belong to another car! Yes, and this is how it happens: Canadians often own one car per person, and this person situates himself in the top-left quadrant of the car (imagining the car stood on its back end), and if he ever goes anywhere with another Canadian, that guest situates himself in the top-right quadrant. If they have a third guest, that guest probably takes their own car; the advantage of this being that it is more expensive. Therefore, by the time a sufficient supply of immigrants delivers a third guest to any given vehicle, a large quantity of peanut shells and gum has buried the seat belt buckles in the back seat. These buried buckles can then go unremarked for such a long time that the car is actually recycled and returned to the road in a new form, be it a Toyota Corolla or a Ford Sundance, and the buckles remain from the previous frame. Therefore, whenever they are dug out and tried, they do not fit.
Corollary 7.1: The people in the back seats of Canadian cars are immigrants
May 02, 2001
May 01, 2001
Popierwsze on wchodzi bez problemu do kiedykolwiego kraju i natychmiast rozmawja w natywnym jezyku. On umje czytac i po Chinsku i po Rosijsku. Czytac obce alfabety nas uczy o naszych literach, i jak rozpoznajemy P od R. Na przyklad w jezyku Chinskim lub Japonskim ludzie sie uca rozpoznywac litery po sekwncji kresek (przepraszam ale brak mi slow technicznych w jezyku Polskim). My poprostu patrzymy na ksztalt; dlatego Chinskie litery wygladaja dla nas tak porozzoczane. Tintin swobonie czyta wszystko. Podrugie on ma wyglad sympatyczny do opcych krajow. On jest ciekawy, to znaczy on sie ciekawi. W "Lotus Bleu" on rozmawja z Tchangiem, i sie rowniez smieja z tego co Europejczycy opowiadaja o Chinczykami, i o ile sie myla. To przez to ze Herge sie podobno bardzo interesowal opca kultura. Potrzecie, rysunki sa fajne, oryginalne. Figury nie sa proste, ale natomjast teknika nie jest skomplikowana. Ale teraz wchodzimy w jezyk naprawde za technyczny dla mnie.
6. Canadians always use the formal form of addressSame as Brazilians, to the delight of the Portuguese! However, our cultural predecessors, ie. the English, have also snobbily eliminated the informal address from their speech; now Canadians, English and Americans (I mean U.S. Americans!) all insist on the highest standards of appelation in writing and speech. The formal "you" is used when respectfully addressing higher-ranked, elderly, new acquaintances equally to long-time friends.