April 24, 2001

Toronto is the only city in the world that denies its visitors the right to its airport carts. It is lucky for us citizens of Canada to be so priviliged as to have right to swipe these carts from under the noses of Portuguese, Egyptian or even German travellers sweating under multiple tons of luggage. Bravo Toronto, for introducing the system that requires a Looney to take a cart. Thankfully, since 1996 or so, dirty foreigners have not and will never realize their temptation to cram our precious Toronto carts into their taxis and drive them to their hotel rooms where they will engage in their filthy foreign activities such as wiping their asses on the rubber wheels (Poland), or tying Canadian children to the tray and wheeling it madly back and forth (Norway and Iraq). Not to mention the extra income for the tragically overworked airport employees who return the carts to the coin-relinquishing machine. It is base that the airport staff in Paris for example have not these advantages and must deal with cheap lightweight carts scattered like blown autumn leaves all over the landscape. Nor London, Warsaw, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Reykjavik, Halifax, Rome, Milan, Marseille, Sapporo, New Jersey or New York. They could all learn a thing or two from us: install them Looney machines and we Canadians would be able to carry our rightful privilige to airport carts the world over. As the consistently top-ranked best darn country to live in in the universe, we deserve it!
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